From Fog To Freedom: A Midwest Gal's Journey of Narcissistic Awakening & Recovery

I’m just a regular gal, living in the beautiful Midwest. My life looked normal and happy from the photos I posted on social media and the “me” I pretended in public. Yet I couldn’t understand why I was so miserable and confused all the time at home. I thought everyone’s realtionship was like ours. Then I learned about narcissism.

I am in my 40s. I adore good pinot noir, fresh flowers and houseplants. I have a fantastic therapist I meet with every week. Coastal beaches and Florida pools are definitely my happy places. I love the Great Lakes, especially Lake Superior. I love National Parks! Seeing all 63 of the US National Parks is an item on my bucket list. Road trips are one of my most favorite things – I enjoy the planning almost as much as I enjoy the trips themselves. Some of my favorite road trips have been to the Badlands, Yellowstone and Glacier. I read all the time. If I don’t have two or three books going at once, both audio and in print, there’s probably something wrong with me. 

I’ve always loved to write. My dream after high school was to buy a van and hit the road exploring the US and writing my first best selling novel. That didn’t happen. I got a job and have lived within a 50 mile radius of where I grew up. At 22 years old, I met a guy that swept me off my feet and we built a life and a business together. We got married and had three amazing kids who are all in college now. Life should have been perfect, but it wasn’t.

Once I realized I was in a narcissistically abusive marriage, I turned to writing to process everything I was going through. I’m actually working on a book about my experiences, but that endeavor wasn’t filling in the gaps I felt I needed to journal about on a daily basis. There was always something new to process through or write about. Oftentimes I didn’t actually feel like talking to my family and friends about the things I was feeling. It was easier for me to write. I had a months-long period where I cried every single day. I’m not going to lie, I know it made everyone uncomfortable, me included. It was so much easier to write through my feelings versus vocalize them.

My overall mood and attitude about my marriage fluctuated so much that first year after realizing I was in a narcissistically abusive marriage. If you caught me on a bad day, you’d probably think I was never going to recover. If you caught me on a good day, you’d think it didn’t bother me at all. Yet there was this vast and fluid area of me in the middle of those extremes that existed and needed constant attention.

After I had about 50 journal entries stacked up on my computer, I thought about starting a blog. Could my experiences help someone else? Would my friends and family want to hear about how I’m doing on a platform like this, rather than me telling them individually how I was doing?  Would I want to keep up with a loved one’s progress on a platform like this? I definitely would! So, here we are. 

Since my separation from my husband, I have started back to school and am excited to pursue a degree in psychology, with a focus on mental health. My ultimate goal is to become a therapist and help other families victimized by domestic abuse. 

I want to help educate others about abuse. I had no idea what I went through for two decades was abuse until I sought professional help. The better educated we all can be about domestic abuse, the closer we will be to help the ones we love and eradicate domestic abuse. This doesn’t need to happen to someone else.